Early "Recovery" Journal: High-Risk Homosexual Behavior (ICD Code Z72.52)
I am semiconscious for the first time since 2018.
My partner and small animals recognize me for me again; I can dream, and I can remember.
For most purposes, I have been in a walking benzo and opioid coma for the past eight years.
Asshole presidents have come and gone; my hair has been shot through with gray; I've taught generations of students; written and recorded hundreds of posts; watched a pandemic blossom like a blue-black flower...
2 hours ago9 min read
Church of the Holy Hungry: Dead Bulimics Anonymous
(Mis)adventures with EDs + the picture of a dead bulimic girl slumped over a toilet that reified severe mental illness for me.
Sep 1710 min read
Stopping the Soul-Scream: Restless REM / Remembering the Psych Ward / I Summon a Demon / à la Bernese Method aka Brian Reborn
In which I wake up from a three-year methadone and fentanyl coma, and, shockingly, do not regret my Internet presence. I remember the psych ward and a friend / roomie who killed himself; I summon a demon; I am reborn.
Aug 823 min read
Dirty Politics Behind DEA's 2-Year Ban on 7-OH and Potential Miracle Molecule SR-17018
It's looking like there's some really gruesome, outright transactional "politics" behind the ban on 7-OH and SR-17018.
Jul 43 min read
Snapshot: And This, Too, Is Life (Diary of a Fentanyl Relapse)
Stream-of-consciousness reflection on a relapse in progress.
Jun 1412 min read
Beat and Evil Days
Wretched, interminable relapse + cyber bullying: 7,300 days of being a loser; on being called a ghoul and a navel-gazer.
May 512 min read
The Physics of Absence: The Anorexic Poetry of Laura Ingram
If someone else were paying me to write this, I might feel compelled to begin with something pithy and breathless: "Even as poet Laura Ingram's body vanishes, her body of work grows..."
It's a good thing that no one else is writing over my shoulder.
Feb 2310 min read
